Thursday, January 31, 2013

I can't do it.

This post has sat drafted and pined over for months. And months. And months. I debate. I edit. I delete. I rewrite. The wait is over, I have hit publish. Here 'tis. ;)

I have been having a lot of heart ache over blogging, etc., lately... for a while now.

As many I'm sure, there are a lot of things that I would like to do more and some things that I feel guilty about not doing more.

I want to be the best mommy to our littles, a great and better wifey to my incredible Hubby, I want to read scripture more, pray for more people more, serve more, boldly tell people about God and what Jesus has done for us more, and selfish things as well like have more playdates/groups, keep up with blogging (ours and yours) and everyone's happenings.

But for me. Right now. Blog, twitter, Facebook, Instagram everyday? I can't. Even every week or month sometimes. I can't.

On one hand, I feel guilty about it. I can't keep up with everybody how I'd love to. I don't want new friends or old friends to think that I am not keeping up on purpose. I do not think for a minute that our life or happenings are more important than ANYbody elses. I love to rejoice with everyone's happy things, be there to pray during the tough things, laugh during the silly things, and know what you had for lunch or dinner ;).

The other side is that I feel guilty because if I am doing too much, then it takes energy or time away from my little fam. And that's just me, I know others it may not effect like that, which is perfectly fine. :)

There are other things about it all that can be stressful too. But we won't get into that right now. :)

I love blogging and all of these others apps because I love keeping up with family and friends. It is fun and wonderful that we can be part of each other's days and lives without being in the same house, store, state, or even country.

I love blogging for our family. Tracking the fun memories, the silly things that happen, all of the adventures we go through together and documenting the things He is teaching us. I have always chosen to blog about the happy, big things that we are going through, and some struggles as well. My... our... desire is that our littles can come back and read great memories, things He has taught us. For us that does not include the nitty gritty things that could potentially be embarrassing for them or that would make them feel anything less than loved. 

I have contemplated shutting down the blog because I have been so discouraged. I started our blog in 2007 to update family and friends on our first pregnancy/complications, with BabyBoy. Then it was exciting and wonderful meeting new friends and really getting to know and keep up with new and old friends.

I love these ways to connect, keep up, see pics, hear stories, give and receive feedback, so critical to us as women but as moms, wives, and followers of Him. I always felt that after I was in this amazing network of ladies that no matter where we lived or if we had just moved, or if I've been in the house for a looong time and could so easily feel isolated, I would never feel alone because of this wonderful community.

Unfortunately, I have not felt like that for a while now and especially lately.

That is why I have asked questions like have I done something wrong? Said something wrong? If I am too positive or only record the happy moments of our family, well that is ok with me. If I have been offensive in any way, I want to be told. And I know I am faaaairly sensitive about it sometimes. ;) But it is because I care about you and our friendships mean so much to me.

But ultimately.

Apologize for blogging about positive, happy things in our lives. I can't.

Apologize for not being witty, poetic, fashionable, or anything enough. I can't.

Apologize for posting a lot lately about our new adventures in homeschooling or our adoption journey. I can't.

I can't apologize for what I post about because it is what is important to our family. And when I say I, that means, we, because Hubby reads/edits every single post before it gets published. :)

I want to apologize for not being able to keep up with everybody on social media as much recently. But I can't. I want to read and comment, I just can't as often right now. My people need my whole me. And if blogging, etc., becomes stressful for me, it isn't fair to my people.

I appreciate all of you loving and supportive peoples even though I haven't been able to keep up as much for a lil' while now! 'Tis a season for us. I hope you can forgive me. I love following everyone's journey's, learning from each other, and just having fun together while we try to serve our amazing God more everyday.

I am going to keep blogging.

I am going to continue to blog about what is important to our family.

I am thankful for you friends, new and old, who continue to read, and say hi. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. I appreciate you. So much.

My people ;)    photo 584e4128-a675-4c38-ab14-530245492513_zpsb0267c56.jpg

Thursday, January 10, 2013

The Latest

Hello Fam and Friends! I hope y'all are doing great! Woo, it's been a while! I took a break from blogging and pretty much all social media for a bit now for several reasons. But I've missed you. I haven't missed the drama or the stress of blogging/twitter bringing out my biggest insecurity, but I've missed you! Please know that I can't wait to catch up on you and your blogs.

Here is our latest! This is our most recent us. :) My people!

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Hubby and Me

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Hubby is going strong at his job and we just love that he still works from home minus meetings. He has been pretty busy with a lot of big projects, so we're praying some hit. He is so great at what he does. I have been working hard at my job! Love homeschooling. It has it's set of challenges but we love it. I have had maany posts drafted about it for months and months, so many have said they are interested in all the details, I'll get them published soon! We have our homeschooling co-op including field trips, service opps, and (educational :)) parties. MOPs. Play dates as often as we can. We're still leading/hosting small group and serving whenever we can. Playing on worship team. We're getting ready for Littlest's 2nd birthday!

We munch, snack, and sweets it up after the littles are in bed as usual, while we watch our shows and relax together. I kid you not, I have gained 6 pounds in the last 3 weeks. Stinkin' yummy boxes of chocolate my sweet mom got for us. I have little food will power as we all know. Yikes! We just finished Felicity and are in Season 4 of Dawson's Creek. Ha! We never saw them when we were younger! ;) Thanks Netflix. We conclude Team Pacey so far. And please tell us how many highschool (or college) students spoke like they all do? ;) Shark Tank is a fave and we're looking forward to Suits, Psych, and Burn Notice coming back. :) Just to name a few. Any other shows we need to check out for our evening tv?

BabyBoy - 5 years old

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Our great little musician! One of his most favorite activities is going to the basement to play music. He pretends to be a worship leader, leading everyone in prayer and songs. Our basement transforms into a church service as he leads just like he has observed our services. He plays his guitar, make-shift drums, his Uncle Johnny's old electric guitar, and sings worship songs and his own worship song compositions. :) He is rockin' Kindergarten at home and gets so excited when he accomplishes new things. He has been introduced to Mario Bros video game on the Wii and Hubby's old game boy. He only plays every now and then but enjoys it and his skills have grown a lot in a short period of time. He is a protective big brother and loves to pray and memorize scripture. Loves to jump on the trampoline and sports it up. He loves to make people laugh and though he has become a bit shy at first contact, he warms up and loves to help and play.

Little - 3 years old

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Sweet Little. He is really loving blocks. He still likes to play cars, do flash cards, puzzles, play outside, jump on the trampoline, play swords with Daddy and fight the bad guys to save us, he has a great arm for throwing ball, and can knock a baseball off his little tee like nobody's business. We're working on some pre-preschool things as usual, including intro to writing, letters/phonics, numbers, shapes, colors, etc. He also loves to play his little instruments, guitar, violin, and sing some great tunes. He is still our little caretaker and takes such great care of his baby sister and all of us. :) He is the first to remember to pray for our three sweet sponsored little ones in Uganda. His most recent prayer has been that they go to heaven.

Littlest - 23 months old

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{I love this pic of her and of the two of us - 'tis tough to get a pic of our on-the-run little girl by herself ;) this one just captures her sweet happiness}

Oh Littlest! :) Our happy little girl, still a little weary of some settings at first, but after a bit she knows it's ok, free to show off, give smiles, hugs, fives, and finds any reason to laugh. She loves playing with her dolls and holds them as if she's always known how and is caring for a real baby. She loves singing, Jesus Loves Me, EIEIO ;), ABCs, Hosanna in the Highest, and her own made up tunes. :) She holds her own with her brothers and loves to play almost anything they're playing while still playing independently when it suits her. She is not afraid to stick up for herself. :) Her vocabulary is crazy and her sentences get longer every day. She continues to show more and more strong-willed tendencies ;). She is sweet and silly and more beautiful every day.

Our Adoption (Our number on the wait list!) - Entering into 8 months on the wait list

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As of our December update we are #21 on the waitlist. Previously 22. No referrals (again) last month. We are still awaiting some answers to some questions and we know that is all perfectly and comfortably in God's timing. But it would not be truthful to say that we were not a bit disappointed and sad. Sad for all of the little ones who are in desperate need of ending being institutionalized and being placed firmly and securely in the arms of their forever family. And sad our littles don't get to meet and grow with their little sister for what seems right now to be even longer. Bottom line - we fully trust God and His timing.

We will receive our next update TOMORROW! We cannot tell you how much we would appreciate your prayers for our family; that we would move up the list (if it's God's will), for continued patience, peace, and movement, and for our little girl who will become a member of our Naturally Caffeinated Family; for protection, strength, and to be receiving the best care that she can.


I didn't mean to come back with such a long post, I know long posts are not loooved, but thank you so much for reading, visiting, and sticking with us, and me.

Xox

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