Thursday, January 31, 2013

I can't do it.

This post has sat drafted and pined over for months. And months. And months. I debate. I edit. I delete. I rewrite. The wait is over, I have hit publish. Here 'tis. ;)

I have been having a lot of heart ache over blogging, etc., lately... for a while now.

As many I'm sure, there are a lot of things that I would like to do more and some things that I feel guilty about not doing more.

I want to be the best mommy to our littles, a great and better wifey to my incredible Hubby, I want to read scripture more, pray for more people more, serve more, boldly tell people about God and what Jesus has done for us more, and selfish things as well like have more playdates/groups, keep up with blogging (ours and yours) and everyone's happenings.

But for me. Right now. Blog, twitter, Facebook, Instagram everyday? I can't. Even every week or month sometimes. I can't.

On one hand, I feel guilty about it. I can't keep up with everybody how I'd love to. I don't want new friends or old friends to think that I am not keeping up on purpose. I do not think for a minute that our life or happenings are more important than ANYbody elses. I love to rejoice with everyone's happy things, be there to pray during the tough things, laugh during the silly things, and know what you had for lunch or dinner ;).

The other side is that I feel guilty because if I am doing too much, then it takes energy or time away from my little fam. And that's just me, I know others it may not effect like that, which is perfectly fine. :)

There are other things about it all that can be stressful too. But we won't get into that right now. :)

I love blogging and all of these others apps because I love keeping up with family and friends. It is fun and wonderful that we can be part of each other's days and lives without being in the same house, store, state, or even country.

I love blogging for our family. Tracking the fun memories, the silly things that happen, all of the adventures we go through together and documenting the things He is teaching us. I have always chosen to blog about the happy, big things that we are going through, and some struggles as well. My... our... desire is that our littles can come back and read great memories, things He has taught us. For us that does not include the nitty gritty things that could potentially be embarrassing for them or that would make them feel anything less than loved. 

I have contemplated shutting down the blog because I have been so discouraged. I started our blog in 2007 to update family and friends on our first pregnancy/complications, with BabyBoy. Then it was exciting and wonderful meeting new friends and really getting to know and keep up with new and old friends.

I love these ways to connect, keep up, see pics, hear stories, give and receive feedback, so critical to us as women but as moms, wives, and followers of Him. I always felt that after I was in this amazing network of ladies that no matter where we lived or if we had just moved, or if I've been in the house for a looong time and could so easily feel isolated, I would never feel alone because of this wonderful community.

Unfortunately, I have not felt like that for a while now and especially lately.

That is why I have asked questions like have I done something wrong? Said something wrong? If I am too positive or only record the happy moments of our family, well that is ok with me. If I have been offensive in any way, I want to be told. And I know I am faaaairly sensitive about it sometimes. ;) But it is because I care about you and our friendships mean so much to me.

But ultimately.

Apologize for blogging about positive, happy things in our lives. I can't.

Apologize for not being witty, poetic, fashionable, or anything enough. I can't.

Apologize for posting a lot lately about our new adventures in homeschooling or our adoption journey. I can't.

I can't apologize for what I post about because it is what is important to our family. And when I say I, that means, we, because Hubby reads/edits every single post before it gets published. :)

I want to apologize for not being able to keep up with everybody on social media as much recently. But I can't. I want to read and comment, I just can't as often right now. My people need my whole me. And if blogging, etc., becomes stressful for me, it isn't fair to my people.

I appreciate all of you loving and supportive peoples even though I haven't been able to keep up as much for a lil' while now! 'Tis a season for us. I hope you can forgive me. I love following everyone's journey's, learning from each other, and just having fun together while we try to serve our amazing God more everyday.

I am going to keep blogging.

I am going to continue to blog about what is important to our family.

I am thankful for you friends, new and old, who continue to read, and say hi. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. I appreciate you. So much.

My people ;)    photo 584e4128-a675-4c38-ab14-530245492513_zpsb0267c56.jpg


Mandy Rose said...

Love you D! I enjoy all of your posts and appreciate the positivity you create! God is using you...whether you see it or not! I am blessed to call you a friend!

In This Wonderful Life said...

Love this post and you are amazing!!! You have to do what's best for you and your family and you should never, ever apologize for that!!! xoxo

Wendy Woodall said...

You shouldn't have to apologize to anyone for being happy and sharing that happiness! You just keep doing what you're doing and ignore any negativity - that will only bring you down! In all honesty, people are probably just jealous that you aren't as materialistic and that you have a great marriage! Don't spend a second more on those folks! Spread your happiness and joy for everyone to see!

Blue-Eyed Bride said...

Oh, sweet Dina. You don't need to apologize for anything. We can only blog our truths and your blog is beautiful and authentic. And there is nothing to apologize for when you choose not to blog because you'd rather be spending every second of your time with your people! You're an amazing mom and amazing friend. I know what you mean about all of it and I've taken a giant step back, too, in comparison to a few months ago. Not knowing about pregnancies or family updates or missing a big announcement makes us feel out of the loop, but that's normal and it's not what is most important. I love your updates when you want to post them and I know your kiddos will love them, too.

alexanders said...

you have your priorities in the right place! And there is no shame in that :) i follow you off of the uganda adoption blog list (fellow adoptive momma-to-be). :) i enjoy your blog! hannah

Gooch Family said...

Did someone say something about what you are posting? Hopefully not! I love all that you write and learning about your adoption situation and your cute fam. You should never feel like you need to apologize for YOUR blog. Sometimes I start thinking, wow, my blog is seriously boring and just about our day to day happenings. But then I think, who cares what other people think because it's MY blog and my family journal. So if they don't want to read it, then they don't have to. Doesn't bother me. I really do it so we have a family journal. If you can't keep up as well as you'd like with everyone else, I think it's safe to say that everyone understands. Life is busy, especially with 3 1/2 kids in your life and they should come first. No one will get offended if you say that. In the old days before the internet and all this jazz, we kept in touch over the phone barely at all, hahaha. So it's ok to only check in once a month if you need to. Knowing that someone drank a diet coke and ate girl scout cookies for lunch is ok to miss out on every once in a while, haha. No need to stress :)

Rebecca Jo said...

I totally understand - it can feel like so much - like it becomes a JOB. When we start off blogging for our own memories sake & it takes a life of its own with Twitter, Instagram, Facebook - all the other stuff. But keep doing what makes you happy & no worries about the other - because its all FOR you. People understand. I dont think people get upset about not getting a response or wondering if "you dont like me anymore" high school mentality.
I for one enjoy reading about your family & your faith - simple enough :)

Tiffany said...

I have really thought about your post and feel the need to respond. I never comment on blogs. I have done so maybe five times total in my life. I read your blog from time to time. I also read many other Mom blogs. These "woe is me, blogging is so negative" posts seem to be popping up more frequently across the blog world. I do not understand the need. You are not famous, you are not obligated to put your life out for inspection by total strangers - the fact is it is all unneccessary. It's not necessary to blog to make friends. I have not a single friend that blogs and we have plenty of social opportunities. If you choose to blog your life it is natural that people will find fault. You are not sitting in your living room chatting with a group of like minded girlfriends who know your heart and your intentions. Strangers from a zillion different demographics can read your blog and find fault. So what? Honestly, I can't understand why bloggers find this so shocking and upsetting. Get some thick skin or don't blog! It's that simple! The world is not required to agree with your lifestyle. Of course they don't have to read, but of course, there is no reason they can't. You have invited them to, after all.
As someone who reads your blog on occasion, I will say that I was confused by your posts asking people to contribute to your adoption. I think it's a wonderful thing you want to adopt. More power to you. At the same time, you appear (again, based upon what you have presented to the world), to be an upper middle class family. You have said repeatedly that your husband works very hard and is very successful. Why then solicit others to contribute to your personal choice to adopt? Again, you don't know the demographics of all your readers. Possibly there are some ladies out there struggling to put food on the table, pay the electric bill or buy a warm coat for their child. And you are asking them to contribute money to your very personal life choice? I looked through old posts and I never really saw an explanation of why you were doing this fundraiser (possibly I missed it). I''m not being mean. Don't be offended by my comment. I'm being honest and telling you what's on my heart. I know that many will jump to your defense and say I'm an ogre. When I read blog comments that always happens if a reader dares to offer something that's not 100% positive. I'm okay with that because I know that I'm not being nasty, I'm just being honest.

McWilliams Family Blog said...

Tiffany couldn't have said it better. And if life is so perfect you shouldn't need help from us. Of course your life isn't perfect but you like for it to appear to be.

Lauren said...

Oh sweet friend, your heart is just precious! You have to do what's best for you and your family and you should make not apologies for that. I recently deleted my blog for alot of the same reasons. It wasn't fun for me anymore, and I realized I was doing it for all the wrong reasons and needed to take a step back. I deleted my Twitter as well. Just needed to simplify, and honestly it was the best thing I ever did for myself!!!! Love you, friend!!! XOXO

Naturally Caffeinated Family said...

Hi Tiffany, thank you for reading and for your comment. I understand your thoughts and appreciate them. I do not think for a minute that my blog or I am important to others. :) My intent was just to share how I am feeling right now, and as we all say we blog for us and our families, sometimes I blog about a struggle that I am having. I know a lot of women have insecurities and sometimes blogging hits mine. I want to blog for us and part of that sometimes for me, is having conversations about something that I am going through or learning. I like to have that dialogue with friends I see everyday and friends that I don't see everyday but get to connect with through blogging. Those conversations are good for me. I think we all need support and everyone has different seasons where one might need more support and I love that we can rally around each other and build each other up when someone needs it. :) As far as fundraising for our adoption, I have definitely said that my Hubby works very hard but have not said how "well" he does, success to us is not necessarily monetary. I'll share more of the breakdown soon too, but our adoption will cost $30,000 potentially more. I think that is a lot for any family. We have never begged or want to make people feel like they have to give but if someone has a heart for adoption and wanted to help (any family) that can be a wonderful thing. We have been and hope to continue to support other families adopting and families in need as well. Thank you again for your thoughts, I hope this helped clarify my heart a little bit.

Lauren said...

Oh girl, I completely understand...I am right there with you. Which is why I stepped away for a month to just catch my breath. I haven't logged onto Facbeook more than a handful of times and only check Instagram occasionally. Thank goodness I'm not on Twitter to feel bad about that!

I still plan to blog occasionally simply because I so enjoy going through the old posts and seeing what our family is up to...but I'm going to blog just for me, and if people read it great...if not, that's fine too!

Sending hugs your way girl, your family is too precious!

Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? said...

Blogging is and should be unapologetic and for you (totally narcissistic, right?)

I'll be reading when you do have time for posting.

And praying for your adoption.

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