I admit it is a liiiittle long but this is a very honest post about being a mommy (and daddy) and always wanting our babies (3 1/2, 1 1/2, and 14 weeks old) to be safe. Understanding that God is in control while also wanting to protect these sweet lil' littles ourselves. And I feel like this is a subject that people don't really talk about.
There is a fine line, to me/us, of protecting our babies and trusting God. We have said this before about making big decisions too. There is a fine line of using logic to plan and trusting God with the outcome. There needs to be both, but where is the line drawn?
Hubby and I are both, admittedly, control freaks. We're not sure how we got this way. :) Maybe because we had to partially take care of ourselves, in different ways, starting from a young age. I started working in high school, paid my way (racked up some loans ;) and my fab Mom helped when she could) through college, bought my 1st couple cars ('83 Nissan Sentra followed by a '91 Ford Probe... silver... pop up lights... some kick... loved that car ;)), insurance, etc. Hubby taught himself *a lot.* He is an amazing Hubby and Daddy, and has taught himself how to do home projects (plumbing, lighting, some carpentry, and more), finances/budgeting/being fiscally conservative, dealings with real estate and so much more.
Climbing. Spotting them when they climb, especially early on. A foot or a hand could slip. (Especially being boys?) Being unaware of their surroundings/edges when playing. Playgrounds (there may be an entire post on this at some point!)... all of the openings. Being pushed off the playground or other kids running by, and in an effort not to get pushed or run over they step back and not realize there is an opening. Riding bikes or running down hills/driveway and running/turning too quickly and falling/getting hurt. Sleeping in a bed in another place. Worried they could fall out of bed and bonk on a side table (although we've been known to rearrange hotel rooms ;)) or if in another house (beach house, etc) they could open the door to their room, and we wouldn't hear it (or see in video monitor), and get hurt in the house/fall down stairs or make it out of the house and get very hurt. People carrying the babies or holding them on decks or by ledges. So many think that because they are a certain age or think they are certain age that they'll never try to dive or get down and what if they're not holding tight enough. I am sweating just thinking about it. Going to school and learning or hearing bad language/concepts that we'll have to reteach each time. (we work so hard to instill good manners/obedience/etc. they're not perfect but we try to work from their hearts) Standing up and slipping and bonking in the bathtub. Making sure that when we/I get them out of the car to go in a store, I always have a hand on them. So many people let their little ones walk and walk far away from them, and what if that one time, they decide to run after something (even if usually well behaved) or you are dependent on other drivers to be safe (yikes). Strangers. They are such sweet social little bugs. (ETA: not that they're ever very far from us ;)) Bleachers. Sharp edges, potential to fall back/off. Coffee tables. We don't have any since we had BabyBoy but playing/visiting at someone else's house, falling and hitting the corner in a bad place (eye, head...). (Ottomans work great!)
My Mom also made the point the other night that one reason she thinks it is, is because I don't want to make a mistake. True true as well. I don't like to make mistakes. I don't like to fail at things, especially in front of other people. :) Not saying it doesn't happen, but I hate it when it does. :)
I have always been a bit of a worrier, some times less than others (something I've been working on for years), but mommyhood has amplified the worrying and crazy thoughts that go through my head (Hubby too) in an effort to want and make sure that the babies are always safe.
Concerns* for the littles
I know it is terrible to think about these things. But they are all thoughts that have made their way through my (and Hubby's) head. And there maaaaay be more ;). I know a lot of times it is the devil poking a tender spot but they are also very real worries. I never want our babies to get hurt. We all get little bonks, I'm talking about more than a little bonk or situation.
I have recently thought about most of the worries and, especially for BabyBoy (3 1/2), most of the everyday circumstance worries he really wouldn't get that hurt.
And then I think, our babies are God's babies to us on loan to do His work and spread His word. Shouldn't we then fully trust Him all the time that He has our babies' safety in His hands. But on the other hand, as flesh, I (we) want to be in complete control, to take precautions and make sure they are safe, that they don't get hurt, or get their little hearts broken. (control freak much?) There should be a healthy ;) balance of both. I fall a little more on the unhealthy than Hubby but he is very close to my location on the protective train :).
Does any of this sound at all familiar to you or completely crazy?
*My (our) aim is to never show them or display the worry but to give them confidence in everything they attempt and do (within reason ;-)). And they are such good boys but all littles have the potential to be unpredictable and they can all have times of disobedience.