Monday, April 26, 2010

ATL Weekend '10 - Part 1 of 2 :)

This weekend, I went on an adventure to Atlanta to attend the Beth Moore, So Long Insecurity conference with some fabulous friends. It was so hard to leave all my cute boys! Although, I cannot even begin to explain what an incredible blessing this weekend was. I got to meet up with so many new friends and a couple I had already met, who were just the sweetest, most gorgeous, and fun girls!

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I learned to walk a little taller (while wearing flats :)), let some more insecure thoughts go, and gain so much more perspective on the insecurity that is trying to wrap me up and make me immobile to live as the best woman of God that He has called me to be.

I don't know about you, but I am one insecure woman.

I think that we all share that although each our major insecurities maybe differ. My closest friends and my close family know this about me but I am going to share it with you as well because I know we are all in this together.

Besides being an overthinker, an overanalyzer, and an overplayer of situations in my head until I'm sick, here are some of the thoughts that the evil one tries to plague my mind with... but by grace God has been slowly loosening the grasp of Satan on each of these aspects of my mind...

1. Rejection - Nobody Likes Me
These are the thoughts that ruminate in my head. I've said something to offend someone, I've said something wrong, I talked too much, I didn't talk enough, I talked too much about myself, I'm not as funny as she is, I'm not as witty as she is, I should have said something different, I shouldn't talk to her because she won't think I'm cool enough...

It's even silly things that I take personally like, nobody responded to my question on twitter, they must not like me... not many commented on my last post and I know they're bloggy active, they must not like me, they didn't invite me or didn't attend a string of my events, they don't like me enough to make the effort.

I love meeting new friends and becoming great friends. I open myself up quickly and I get hurt quickly. I have some great friends, who are real, honest, non-judgmental, and just plain wonderful. :) And I got to hang out with some of them this weekend!!

2. Outward Appearance
"I am not as pretty as she is." Which, for me, really ends up being pretty much every woman that walks by or of course is in the media. :) I compare myself to these women saying, my nose is too big, I weigh too much, I'm not toned enough, my smile looks funny, my makeup doesn't look as good as hers, I am not photogenic, and my hair isn't nearly as pretty as her hair is.

My husband will attest to these although he has been working on me for the past 10 years :) he is my knight in shining armour. I cannot even imagine how I would have continued to feel if my Hubby didn't address me as "Gorgeous," "Beautiful," "Hebrew Hottie," "Hottie Hots," (as he texted me during the conference, "how's it goin' hottie hots," haha I love him.), "Miss Tiny Tiny," (from years ago :)), "Weenst," (which morphed from tiny tiny, to teensy weensy, to weenst, haha, which is the name that comes up on his cell when I call him :)).

3. Inadequate/Inferior
I shouldn't do that because so and so does it better. I'm not good enough for that job. What if I fail. I don't want to do that because someone might not think I do a good enough job. She is such a good mom, she does all of "these things" with her little ones. I don't do exactly what she does, as many things as she does, involved in as many things as she is, she is better than me. I dwell too much on my weaknesses.

This is how I thought before I went for the super competitive high school orchestra director position that I went for years ago. I thought I am not qualified. I say to this day, that it was God and people that He sent around me to convince me to go for it, I got it, and I loved it. I still felt like I could have done more, but we could always feel like that.


Here are the main points that I walked away with to combat every single insecurity from above. Not that I am automatically "fixed" and I will never have one of those thoughts again. But if or when I do, I can stop much more quickly and and remember this...

1. Insecurity is an idolatrous sense of pride.
What? I pride myself on not being prideful, haha, just kidding :) When I am insecure and thinking about myself - turning almost every situation back on myself - it is not only self indulgent, narcissism, but it takes time away from thinking about what I can do for others for God. If I let go and stop giving so much energy to analyzing myself in every situation, I will have so much more time to do God's work and focus on those that need the focus even more! And nobody cares as much about me as I do in those situations where I am analyzing myself, haha. Why waste the energy and time, when it doesn't do one good thing. Energy saved!

2. Live an exceptional life.
This didn't mean what I thought it did. Mrs. Beth Moore spoke on being the exception. The one. That you can be THE ONE, the exception, to do something when you think that nobody could do it. This was so powerful, and I have not heard it put this well before. "Nobody would go back to that place after what they did... except her." "Everybody is treating that person with disrespect... well... except her." "All women are intimidated by other women... except her." "Noone could pick themselves up after that... except that one." "Nobody could be happy in that situation... except for her." Be the one.

I know God is working in so many of our lives. And he can work in your life too. It is not an overnight transformation but it is a wonderful one. I hope you were blessed this weekend if you went to the conference and I hope that if you didn't get to go that you are blessed too! I can't wait to finish So Long, Insecurity and you should definitely pick up a copy if you haven't already :)

Coming in Part 2, pics, fun, and fabulous friends!

26 comments:

Pocketfull of Pink @ 5th Belle Ave said...

Sounds like a PHENOMENAL conference! I am so glad to hear you had such a wonderful time! Can't wait to see the pics!

Trina said...

I so loved meeting you! You were so nice to offer to let me tag along with ya'll Saturday. I really enjoyed my time and how much I learned about myself and the things I struggle with. Seems we have alot of the same ones in common.

I hope we'll get to meet up again in the future.

amy (metz) walker said...

Well, first let me lay some of those fears of yours to rest...

You are beautiful, tiny, you carried yourself with a lot of grace and class, your have a contagious smile, and every one of us liked you! Isn't it funny how we think? I still carry around the idea that I'm ugly because of something a boy said to me in the 10th grade. I'm 31 years old and what that little twerp says still haunts me EVERY. DAY. :-)

I'm so happy to have met you and I can't wait until our next meetup!

Lora Lynn @ Vitafamiliae said...

I'm so glad you got to go. Hate you were so close and I didn't get to see you. But I know you had a fab weekend and sounds like some great learning. Miss ya!

Megan said...

Girl, words cannot express how amazing I think you are. You are beautiful not only on the outside but on the inside. You just glow with beauty! Thank you for your friendship, I am so glad you came and I had the opportunity to get to know you more!!!

Short Southern Momma said...

This sounds like an amazing experience for all of those that got to go. Must have been so much fun! Hope your having a wonderful Monday! xoxo

the rigdons said...

WOW! I came across your blog through Megan Tree and I can already tell I will love it! Your transparency and honesty is refreshing! I'm looking forward to reading more!

Beth said...

Sounds like a great conference! I would love to go to one of her conferences some time. I was just looking at that book, and you have convinced me to buy it :) Thank you! You're absolutely right, we all have insecurities, and it's so easy to let them overrun our thoughts. Thanks for the encouraging words, you are such a blessing! Looking forward to see you Friday!

Blue-Eyed Bride said...

Oh, friend! I am so happy to know you. You are so sweet and so fun to be around. Being with you is effortless and even the first time we met I felt like we were old friends. Your hair, your smile, your slim figure (that I'd die to have) are all so beautiful. But your gentleness and loyalty to your friends make me love you even more! I'm so privileged to know you and to have gotten the opportunity to worship with you this weekend.

Becca said...

Oh my goodness it was such a treat to get to meet you this weekend - I only wish we could have hung out more!

I felt a little bit like "did i write this?" when I was reading about your insecurities . . . I feel the same way so often. But it's like what we were talking about at the conference, because I look at you and think there's no way she should struggle with that!

Anyways, I'm glad you had a good time in Atlanta and enjoyed the conference. . . .can't wait to see how the Lord continues to grow you in security! :-)

d.a.r. said...

Wow, it sounds like an amazing amazing amazing weekend. You are such a wonderful beautiful woman, your hubby is RIGHT!!

I know it's hard to listen to him, though. Same thing happens to me.

I'm so glad you had such a wonderful weekend!

Rachel said...

Oh my sweet roommate, it is so easy to relate to your insecurities. But you need to know that you are beautiful and wonderful, and I have LOVED each of the occasions I've been able to hang out with you, including this weekend! You are so kind and sweet and I am lucky to call you a friend! God is good, and I pray that the message when got this weekend continues to resonate in all of our lives! Sending you a big hug :)

Gooch Family said...

Sounds like a great conference and it's crazy to hear how insecure you say you are b/c you do not come across as that at all! You have always seemed so confident and happy and let nothing get in your way type of person. I have always loved your personality, openness and friendliness and how you are so easy to talk to. Sorry it didn't work out in AZ but glad you had a good time! Next time :)

Brittany Ann said...

You all blogging about this conference has convinced me even more that I must go! Thanks for sharing!

Faith said...

I was so glad I got a chance to hug your sweet neck. I only wish I had a little more time to chat with you. You are beautiful, inside and out!

I really liked the part about being the exception as well. It was a such a powerful lesson for us all!!

daniella said...

I'm pretty sure that when God placed the last big jewel on the crown of his creation - the WOMAN - satan (I don't capitalize his indespicable name b/c that's like giving him the middle finger), vowed to do everything in his power to make that jewel - us - feel like we're just a rusty stone. Like all other women, I could relate with EVERYTHING you wrote.
I've never told you this, but I always thought you're an exceptional mother...and at times I felt insecure around you because my kids seemed like little hellions compared your your boys. I know that's not true and I know you NEVER intended to make me feel insecure but it just goes to show you how Mr.Scumbag likes to destroy a woman's spirit and make them have mind battles with themselves. Can you imagine how many friendships were destroyed because of these lies?

So glad you were able to attend this blessed event! Can't wait to hear more and see pics!

HisTreasuredPossession said...

good words from Beth! Love her teaching and I'm so glad you got to go!!!

My "internet" friends were all over the place (meaning in the sanctuary and overflow) but w/ 10K people there, I'm sure it was tough to find your own group!

thanks for saying hi!
love you,
rachel

Gwen said...

What a fabulous time you all had!!! I wish I could have attended such an inspiring and uplifting conference. I think you are awesome in every way and I can't wait to see your photos!!! XOXO

Rebecca Jo said...

I've been loving seeing what all you ladies each took away from that weekend!

Lindsey said...

Sounds like an amazing conference!!! So glad you got to go and meet some blog friends, so awesome!=)

Krystyn said...

It sounds like a great conference. I mean, who really couldn't use something like that?

Lauren said...

Great post..what an amazing weekend you all had! Isn't it ironic that most of those insecurities are things that all women deal with, but it's also those same women who make us feel the most insecure? Thanks for sharing, insecurity is such a struggle!

Kristin said...

It feels amazing to have a hubs that thinks you're the most beautiful woman in the world doesn't it?

Lucky in Love said...

So glad you had such an amazing weekend my friend!! I definitely can relate to some of your insecurities...especially about always worrying whether or not people like you. Sometimes I feel like I'm still in high school...wanting to be in the popular group but just not knowing how...

Good thing God doesn't care about that :)

Perfectly Imperfect said...

Sounds like an amazing conference! It's crazy to me how strong insecurity is. What we think of ourselves is usually so far from what those around us see. Glad you had such a good time!

G said...

wow. Now I know that I'm not the only person experiencing this. well... I am very glad you wrote this! I really should handle my insecurities. thank you.


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