Tuesday, August 5, 2008

WE Thought So

WE thought it was a good plan.

There seem to be continuous reminders, to especially me, about the loss of our second little one. And I don't mean reminders from friends or family because it actually means a lot to me when someone asks a non-surface question like, how's your heart (thanks friend ;)).

I mean things like: I left caffeine behind (except chocolate, I'm not crazy people) and now I can sometimes have a little...or a lot of chocolate; I had to get my steak cooked well done and now I can get it a juicy medium; I was actually starting to show a little bit already and now even though those maternity capris I just bought are cute enough to wear even when you're not pregnant, I put them away because I don't even want to look at them.

One way or another we will have another little one.

We both admit that we would not be as aware of these things unless they happened to us. The situation has definitely made us more sensitive, especially to anything involving little ones (as if I'm not sensitive enough).

There is noone else that I would rather go through this and life with but my amazing husband.

Age difference doesn't matter. I, especially, was so excited about the age difference our little ones would have been apart, around 19 months. We pray we can instill unity and closeness in all of our children (not that age difference really affects this, but in any case). To take a little from the sermon this past Sunday, we do not know what tomorrow will bring. We need to live for Him today, we need to love each other today, we need to care for each other today, we as a body need to stay unified today.

All in God's timing is what we have been saying since it happened. But once you say something so many times, you (well I did) begin saying it, but still wanting what you wanted. After constantly being reminded by different things what happened and hearing stories from friends and others that have been in the same situation, I was once again reminded but in a bigger slap you in the face kind of way, it's ok. God is truly in control and it's ok.

Let go and just wait. Submit to His plans, His will, and just wait.


The Farmer Files said...

Thanks for sharing your journey, your heart, and your story. (((HUGS)))

Renee said...

Thanks for sharing. I understand from experience how you are feeling.

Lora Lynn said...

well said. love your honesty.

ARK said...

How wonderful to see you both yesterday! Still praying for you! Thanks for being so real and sharing!

Amy (Metz) Walker said...

Thanks for sharing...isn't it amazing how much experiencing something allows us to understand others? I haven't lost a little one, but struggling with infertility gives me a such a sensitivity to others who are...in a way, that's a gift that I'm thankful to the Lord for, strange as it sounds!

Anonymous said...

Oh bless you, didn't know you've had to suffer a loss like that! Can't go over it, can't go under it, OH NO got to go through it! Praying for you as you go through it.

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